The Social Structures in the 1790's were Wack.

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posted by Nathan Dean Palmer Ph.D. @ 7:46 AM Comments: 0

Jeff is leaving. Michelle expresses her remorse through anger.

posted by Nathan Dean Palmer Ph.D. @ 10:41 AM Comments: 0

Can it be done?

I may have just become king of blogger, by remotely posting to my account.
I rule.

posted by Nathan Dean Palmer Ph.D. @ 2:44 PM Comments: 0

I am So Sorry.

I am a horrible, awful, mean human being.






That being said, I now feel good enough about myself to relate my newest story. I'd like to preface my story with a few statements that concern my life. Just in case you were interested.
Yesterday I lit my hair on fire. It was pretty intense for me to experience, and I imagine that it was a pretty neat thing to witness, as Ben Davis did.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, there are a myriad of reasons for this, but I'm going to go on record as saying that I'm better than you, and you shouldn't ask questions.
Sorry my background is messed up, I'll fix it later. Or, if you keep complaining, I'll fix you later. In the dog sense of the word.





Anyways, as usual, the following takes place in a Mr. Tim Murphy's classroom. Now Tim's birthday fell on the 10th of April, and as we were having conferences that day to discuss our papers that were due on the 17th of April I was unable to wish Tim a happy birthday in a manner that fit with my schema of the class.
That being the case, I opted to have a birthday celebration for Tim on the 17th, which was the next available class period, and sent out an email to all of my classmates telling them my plan to thoroughly wish Tim a happy birthday. No one responded much to my shock and dismay. I however was no going to be deterred from wishing my favorite 11:00 English 102 graduate student teacher a very happy birthday. So the night before, despite from getting off work an hour and a half late, I baked brownies for Tim, and the rest of the class.
That night I fell asleep with visions of birthday celebration floating around jovially in my head.


The following morning, as I prepared for the day, I had epiphany. Suppose no one else contributed to Tim's party! I knew both myself and Tim would be slightly heartbroken. I then decided, not to depend on any one else for the success of English class, but to take matters into my own hands, if that was necessary. (the epiphany allowed me to apply that concept to the rest of my life.)
I began formulating a plan in case I was disappointed upon my arrival to my glorious English class.

As I got to class, I realized that my premonitions had been true, and indeed, my peers had greeted this day as they would any other day. I was outraged at the blasphemy of the situation. They had no idea what Tim had sacrificed in order to be there for us every other day of the year, tirelessly grading and instructing without fear of bereavement or failure. Here was a man who had put it all on the line for us, his students, to give us the best education possible while maintaining an orderly classroom environment. This man, nay, this hero, never ceased to be a role model and an example to naive young adults, guiding us on the path of righteousness and English literacy.
I knew I had a debt to repay. A nearly insurmountable debt, yet one that I was prepared to shoulder for the benefit of a man who truly deserved my respect.
I began by offering up my brownies as a small token of my gratitude for the months of instruction, knowing full well, that this was not one iota of what was deserved.
What else could I do?
Then it hit me.
The ultimate gift.
I knew what I had to do.
I stood and approached Tim's desk
I told him that since it was his birthday celebration, I could not just let it pass without an auspicious gift. I told Tim that my gift to him was that I would take on all the responsibility, all the outrageous planning and sleepless nights. I told him that I was going to teach class that day.
My gift was met with a seriously disturbing amount of acceptance.
I didn't need him to say yes more than once, so I pulled out all the papers in my binder and approached the board, with every desire to give a fabulous lecture, and to represent Tim.
I started my lecture with many mistakes that I had seen in my students writings. I told that that writing "U" instead of "you" and "R" instead of "are" was completely unacceptable, and would be punished physically and educationally.
I went on to give definitions and examples of the differences between "there", "their" and "they're", which i believe many students struggle with. I then told that that "engrish" was no longer acceptable to speak or write in class. This went on the syllabus as well, which I had them pull out and correct.
Having run out of things to do, I took Tim's lesson plan for the day, and gave them their assignments. I added one thousand points to the paper due in two weeks, and told them that they could get one hundred extra points if their paper had "sweet rhymes" in it. This was also a strict course policy.
The paper had a few different options, one of which was "describe the relationship between you and writing, and how has it changed over the last few years."
I told the class that a good template to start this paper was this:
Me and writing (blank). It was (blank.) Now we (blank).
In my example, I replaced the blanks as follows:
hooked up.
great!
aren't speaking.
Having run out of things to talk about with the paper, I then proceeded to hand out the homework for the night that Tim was planning on giving out. He protested a little, but mostly went unheeded.
The assignment was a 'Mad Libs' style piece of paper, with blanks where all the adjectives in the paper needed to be. I told the class to fill in the blanks using adjectives, and that I would provide a complete list of words on the board.
Eventually my list of adjectives, which took around ten minutes to write, dissolved into just a list of my favorite words, so you can imagine that 'Amsterdam' was indeed on the board.
After having filled up two entire white boards with words, I collected the homework by going around to everyone in class (all 18 of them) and marking off points before ripping up their homework, throwing it out, and telling them not to turn in crap next time.
By this point I was really beat, and decided to call it a day and let everyone out early.


Tim, if you're reading this, you're welcome.

posted by Nathan Dean Palmer Ph.D. @ 5:17 PM Comments: 4

Get Up! Come On! Get Down with the Sickness!

First of all, I'd like to thank myself for:
a) Posting twice in two days
b) Perpetually exploiting nativity just for the sake of doing so
c) Having more hair than you.
With that said, I would like to tell you about a well deserved respite I plan on taking from my English class. Because I can.
However, despite my many flaws, I am on the inside a sensitive mature young man with a great deal of respect for authority and a penchant for responsible thinking.
So instead of just ditching class like the quintessential college student, I was kind enough to write an email to Tim explaining that I wasn't going to make it.
Audience is key here, so take note that I'm not actually writing for Tim's benefit, but for Sam Asaki's benefit, which as you'll agree, is far more important.
Read and take note.


"Dear Tim,
I am writing to you regarding my attendance to your English 102 class on Tuesday, April 3rd 2007. I will not be able to make it to class, as I am currently in the emergency room waiting to see a doctor.
Earlier this evening, my roommates and I had a Tuna Fish eating competition, and I was in the lead with 13 cans of Tuna before I started to feel really ill.
After having vomited the contents of my stomach into the neighbors yard, and still feeling awful, my roommates took me to the UMC to be evaluated.
(In retrospect, the massive Tuna intake was a bad idea, however, I will do most anything for 20 dollars and the respect of 5 other people.)
The Physicians Assistant tells me that I have mercury poisoning and severe gastro-intestinal santigola.
I don't know if I will recover by Thursday or not. Hopefully it will be a minor procedure and I will be allowed to leave early tomorrow.
If I don't make it, tell Kyle and Vance not to cry.
Hope all is well with you,
Nate"

There you have it. I'll keep you updated on the response.
Keep me in your prayers. This Santigola has really got me down.

posted by Nathan Dean Palmer Ph.D. @ 7:44 PM Comments: 3